We live in an “emotionally illiterate world.” A world that teaches us to value productivity over presence, thinking over feeling, fixing over allowing.

And when grief hits—a death, a divorce, a diagnosis, a change we didn’t choose—most of us reach for what we’ve been taught: distraction, numbing, or trying to “figure it out.” But as the founder of Luma Via so clearly states:

“We can't logic our way out of sadness any more than we can decide not to be thirsty.”

Grief isn’t something to solve. It’s something to feel.

This isn’t a list of surface-level tips. These are real practices, pulled from lived experience and emotional wisdom—tools for being human in a culture that would rather we bypass all of it.

1. Let Go of the Idea That Emotions Are Problems

Grief isn’t a glitch in your system. Emotions aren’t weaknesses. They’re messengers.

“Emotions themselves don't have moral value. They just are.”

That sadness, rage, or numbness you feel? It’s not “bad.” It’s information. Just like physical pain tells you something’s wrong in the body, emotional pain tells you something needs care in your heart.

Instead of asking, “How do I get rid of this?” try asking, “What is this trying to tell me?”

2. Start with the Body, Not the Story

You can spend years talking about your grief and still feel stuck. Why? Because most of us try to process pain in our heads—but grief lives in the body.

“We’re not actually feeling the feelings behind the story.”

Begin here:

• Where do I feel this emotion in my body?

• Is there tightness in my chest? Pressure in my stomach? A lump in my throat?

• What is the felt sense?

Notice it. Breathe into it. No need to fix or label it—just witness it. “Approach it like a scientist examining a rare discovery,” she says, “with curiosity and wonder.”

3. Practice Pendulation: Back and Forth Between Pain and Safety

If grief feels overwhelming, don’t force yourself to stay in it nonstop. Use the somatic technique of pendulation—moving between discomfort and safety.

• Sit with the emotion for a few breaths

• Then shift your awareness to something neutral: the feeling of your feet on the ground, the rise of your breath

• Then return, gently, to the feeling

“Coming back to safety before returning to discomfort helps build resilience.”

This isn’t avoidance. It’s nervous system regulation. It teaches your body that it can survive big feelings without being flooded by them.

4. Name the Feeling Without Becoming It

A powerful shift happens when we stop being the emotion and start witnessing it.

Instead of “I am anxious,” try:

“Ah, this is anxiety. She’s visiting me right now.”

Introduce your feelings as if they’re guests:

• “This is sadness. She's quiet but heavy.”

• “This is anger. He feels tight in my throat.”

• “This is grief. She has something to teach me.”

You are not your emotions. You are the space they move through.

5. Understand the Difference Between Emotions and Feelings

Most of us use the words interchangeably—but they’re not the same.

“Emotions are raw biological data. Feelings are the story you tell yourself about that data.”

Emotions are automatic—like pop-up notifications from your nervous system. Feelings are the meanings we attach based on past experiences, beliefs, and memory.

That same racing heartbeat? In one moment, it might be fear. In another, excitement.

Knowing the difference helps us hold emotions with more compassion and less fear.

6. Move the Emotion Through You (Not At Others)

“Emotions invite motion.”

Let them move—but with intention. Cry without shame. Scream into a pillow. Shake your body. Dance with abandon. Journal without editing.

What matters is movement, not performance. You don’t need to “act out” the feeling (like sending that reactive text to your ex). But you do need to express it.

Let the grief move through you, not fester inside you.

7. Give Yourself Permission to Repeat the Process

Grief isn’t linear. And feeling your feelings isn’t a one-time event—it’s emotional hygiene.

“Just like brushing your teeth, it’s something you return to every day.”

Some days you’ll feel raw and broken. Others, you’ll feel nothing at all. Neither means you’re doing it wrong. You’re being human.

The goal isn’t to stay in grief forever. The goal is to stop running from it.

8. Let the Joy In, Too

It’s not just the “bad” emotions we suppress. We often rush past joy, inspiration, hope, and connection too.

“We block out the pleasurable ones as well.”

Let yourself feel all of it. Savor the warmth of a memory, the laugh that comes unexpectedly, the moment of peace in your breath. Grief and joy are not opposites—they’re partners.

Feeling your grief opens the door to feeling your aliveness again.

9. Create or Step Into a Sacred Container for Grief

You don’t have to carry this alone. In fact, you’re not supposed to.

“Emotions thrive in connection.”

Sometimes grief needs a held space to unfold—a circle, a ritual, a retreat. Somewhere you can soften, release, and be witnessed without fixing or explaining.

Grief retreats offer something rare: time, space, guidance, and community. Not to escape the grief—but to finally feel it, all the way through, with support.

When You’re Ready, We’re Here

If you feel called to that kind of space, we welcome you to Luma Via’s “Honoring Your Grief: Heart Healing Wellness Retreat.”

Set in the quiet Sierra Nevada foothills, our 3-day retreat supports your healing with:

• Grief yoga, somatic processing, and creative expression

• Meditation, ritual, and nature-based integration

• Compassionate guidance in a private eco-lodge sanctuary

• Nourishing meals, gentle space, and post-retreat support

We also offer online options and international retreats in sacred places like Indonesia—so you can choose the format that feels right for you.

Your grief is not too much. Your healing is not out of reach.
There is space for all of it here.

Learn more about our Grief Retreat.

Learn more about our Retreats.